As the day approaches where I am to embark on the biggest adventure of my life thus far, I cannot help but laugh at a certain fear I had harbored in my youth... and by youth I mean every day proceeding this one.
The fear was this: that life is boring. And if not, then life is confusing.
I believe one of the greatest attributes of humanity is confusion. That one of the traits that truly separates us from all the other animals as a highly evolved being is the ability to have conflicting impulses.
And I have always wonder why I've had conflicting impulses, that is it say, how is it possible that two different life choices can both seem so right (or so wrong) and be unable to definitely choose between the two.
This use to stress me out. Now I love such contradiction. It is an inarguable sign that you are truly alive and conscious. But this still doesn't answer the questions as to why these situations arise.
Confusion, in this sense, is extremely simple to define, it comes about when a person if faced with the choice between what one SHOULD do as defined by the societal standards bestowed upon such an individual, and what one WANTS to do.
Myself for example...
I SHOULD get a job that gives health insurance and start working my way back into graduate school and be on my way to a career and a fruitful life where I am financially stable.
I WANT to the adventurous and follow my heart and blow with the wind and carry no anchors but only helium balloons.
One choice is safe, comfortable, warm. It is smart, rational, respectable. It is a good choice.
The other is dangerous. It is reckless. It is still respectable but only to a certain extent (the musician who at 50 still haven't given up the dream of stardom and lives in a basement, is depressing).
Which path I choose in the long run is yet to be seen...
...I dont know where I'm going with this.
Just wish me luck.
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