Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Song of the Mold In My Shower

It has gotten pretty bad. I cant take a shower without sneezing uncontrollably. Have you ever sneezed more than ten times in a row? Twenty times in a row? Its like seeing your grandmother naked, all you want to do is lay in be with a jug of wine and a family size Nyquil bottle, trying to keep your insides inside.

It started with just a few black dots in some groves. Id fill my mouth with water, laser it out, dry off accomplished. But soon, the black plague returned. There is gritty black. Furry black. Spotty black. Lined black.

The tile looks like a fresh crossword puzzle. I do parabolas with headandshoulders 2in1.


The curtain had to be thrown out. The curtain as dangerous. The curtain swayed. The curtain could touch you. One shouldnt find black smears on their person towards the end of their showering escapades.

So today I reach under the sink and grab a canister of Comet, run at the shower like a gladiator and sprinkle that shit like Rip Taylor.

But it wasnt Comet. And I dont have a handlebar mustache.




It was Kraft parmesan cheese. And I dont have a handlebar mustache.



Why I have parmesan cheese is completely beyond me. I dont like cheese and I'm not italian. And even if I did like cheese, I would go for a product with a little more integrity. Parmesan and Easy cheese are the only two cheeses I know of that come in canisters. Canned cheese is like an ex-girlfriend you broke up with who got really fat. You invite her over when no other cheeses will, so you could sleep sound that night.

Some people might not think that is as funny as that was. Basically, what I'm trying to say is I have fucking parmesan cheese all over my shower. I swear the mold laughed hysterically and threw spores around like confetti.



Im sick of this shit.

And I still dont have a handlebar mustache.


p.s. Youtube rip taylor and a whole bunch of video memorials come up for dead people. Probably not the best title for the video.

3 comments:

  1. I think I heard Katsop wake up because I'm laughing so hard out here

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  2. I sincerely hope that every bit of this speaks utter truth. Because I could not stop laughing! The notion of a cheese covered shower is hilaaaaaarious! Visit Oswego!

    ReplyDelete